Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Hunter Pence "Crash" Translated

Hunter Pence crashed through a sliding glass door in the bathroom of his spring training home Monday night and ended up in the emergency room with multiple cuts all over his body. The injury will sideline him for a week. We found some quotes from Hunter Pence regarding the accident and will do our best to translate them from Athlete into English.

HP - "It's pretty silly that this kind of a freak accident happened"

FSE Translation - "This is something that only happens to people in horror movies, or drunk people" (FSE Editorial- While I have never been the former, I have been the latter, so can posit as to which Mr. Pence was experiencing when this occured.)

HP - "I just didn't see the door and jumped through it,"

FSE Translation - "Those pesky doors come out of no where sometimes. I couldn't avoid jumping through glass."

HP - "I have small cuts everywhere."

FSE Translation - "Small body parts generally have small cuts."

HP - "I didn't really think I'd go through a glass door,"

FSE Translation- "No one ever does anticipate going through a glass door, I thought that only happens in action movies featuring Wesley Snipes or Stephen Seagal. Boy I wish I had Under Siege 2 on DVD." (FSE Editorial- What a moron. How many people ever crash through a glass door, expecting it to happen.)

Pence said that a "friend" had closed the door behind them, and that is why he did not expect it to be closed when he went through it. We are sure by "friend" he meant piece of tail he scored, after a night out on the town.

Fantasy Impact

As long as Pence opens the clubhouse door the old-fashioned way, by turning the handle and pulling/pushing the door, rather than trying to project himself through it when going onto the field, he should have a fine 2008 season.

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