Hot or Not

Welcome back to another edition of Hot or Not. We've got Hotness, we've got Notness, and we've got an emotional good-bye to...Billy Butler. Let's get to it.

Hot Bats

Milton Bradley

Stats over the last 7 days: 5 HR, 4 SB, .478 BA

If the Texas Rangers were a woman, they'd be the one that always dates Guys With Problems, convinced that they can save them. Amazingly, it's paying off - Bradley and Josh Hamilton have been great (we'll pretend Sidney Ponson never happened). How much longer until they swing a three-way trade for Delmon and Dmitri Young?! Or how about acquiring a certain relief pitcher?

Jorge Cantu

Stats over the last 7 days: 3 HR, 7 RBI, .407 BA

Did you know that Cantu was named the Devil Rays' team MVP in 2005? Check his bio - it's true. What do you think that award looks like? Probably a lot like one of those plaques they give to the coach of a 6-and-under soccer team at the end of the season.

Joe Mauer

Stats over the last 7 days: 2 HR, 6 RBI, .450 BA

Mauer may be third in the AL in batting average, but he leads the league in sideburns donated to small children.

Also Hot:

Manny Ramirez - 3 HR, 9 RBI, .381 BA

JD Drew - 3 HR, 7 RBI, .500 BA

Joe Crede - 5 HR, 12 RBI, .611 BA

Hot Arms

David Price

Stats over the last 7 days: 0 W, 0 K, 0.00 ERA

He's already owned in 30% of Sportsline leagues. Carlos Silva is available in 81% of leagues. I guess that sums up the difference between Tampa Bay and Seattle's seasons - even the Rays' prospects are hotter than the Mariners' everyday players.

Kerry Wood, Matt Capps, George Sherrill

Stats over the last 7 days: 4 S, 0.00 ERA each

Meanwhile, Eric Gagne lasted 1 2/3, giving up four runs and six hits while playing as himself yesterday in MLB 2K8.

JP Howell

Stats over the last 7 days: 2 W, 1 ER, 4 2/3 IP

This is the second time THIS SEASON that Howell's won two games in a week. Eric Bedard's only won four games all season. I guess that sums up the difference... 

Not Hot 

Billy Butler

Stats over the last 7 days: Who cares

I don't like to get emotional about guys on my team, but here we go...

We drafted Billy Butler in like the 14th or 15th round this season and thought we had ourselves a sleeper. Played on an up-and-coming team with some decent protection in the lineup. Hit for good average and decent power. Had a slight weight problem, but seemed relatively nimble - we were optimistically drawing Tony Gwynn comparisons at the time.

The first week of the season Butler hit .400 and drove in 3 runs. I remember thinking that Billy Butler might win a batting title one year. Then I thought that maybe that year was THIS YEAR. Why not? There was no law that said Billy Butler couldn't win the batting title this year. This was 2008. Things were wide open. This was The Year of Billy Butler!

Things, of course, did not turn out as I hoped. Butler apparently forgot that there was no rule against hitting a ball out of the park. Or that one was allowed to generate runs during plate appearances. At the end of May, Butler was unceremoniously shipped back to the minors. I haven't really gotten over it.

Phil, my colleague here at FSE, argued in a post last week that Billy Butler was worth stashing on your bench in deep leagues. I beg to differ. Billy Butler is a DH who hits for decent average, no power, and breaks owners' hearts. Do not keep him on your team unless you are prepared to deal with significant emotional torment throughout the season.

Wow, that was not easy. But I feel better. Good to get that out there.

I'm off to watch the Royals v. Tigers game from 4/3/08. Have it on the Tivo. See you next week...

Hot or Not: Do You Remember...

As we look at the Hottest and Nottest players this week, we also turn our focus backwards, to the studs and stinkers of yesteryear, for a very special "Do You Remember..." edition of Hot or Not.

Hot Bats

Frank "Big Hurt" Thomas

Relevant stats: 4 HR, 6 RBI, .455 BA over the last seven days

Reminds you of: Frank Thomas

The Big Hurt is playing like it's 1996 - his finest statistical season. This makes you wonder if Frank Thomas is doing everything like it's 1996. Is he really into the Spice Girls? Is he arguing with Bobby Crosby about why Independence Day is better than Twister? Fantasy owners can only hope so.

Lance "Big Puma" Berkman

Relevant stats: 53 runs scored, on pace for 165 runs this season

Reminds you of: Jeff Bagwell

Here's a surprising fact: Jeff Bagwell scored 152 runs in 2000 - that's the most runs scored in a single season since 1936, when Lou Gehrig crossed the plate 167 times. Never would have guessed that. Bagwell put up ridiculous numbers in 2000, but somehow finished 7th in MVP voting that season. Jeff Kent won the award, with his BFF Barry Bonds finishing second.

Jacoby "Nickname Unknown" Ellsbury

Relevant stats: 19 SB, caught stealing twice

Reminds you of: Cool Papa Bell

Like Cool Papa Bell, tales of Ellsbury's elusiveness on the basepaths may be somewhat exaggerated. (Ichiro and Willy Taveras both have better SB/CS ratios this season, but receive far less media attention as base-stealers.) Unlike Cool Papa Bell, Ellsbury does not have the greatest nickname ever.

Cold Bats (Mendoza Line edition)

Richie Sexson

Relevant Stats: .197 BA, 9 HR this season

Reminds you of: Rob Deer

Rob Deer hit 25 homers in 1991, while batting a putrid .179. Deer's Wikipedia page says he's currently a "roving hitting instructor" for the San Diego Padres. Wouldn't you like to be a "roving hitting instructor"? You'd travel from town to town, carrying only a worn wooden bat and a clipboard, working out kinks in hitters' swings. You'd survive on sunflower seeds and Gatorade. Drive a Saturn. Sounds pretty cool...

Josh Bard

Relevant Stats: .200 BA, 0 HR; currently on DL

Reminds you of: Bill Bergen

OK, this comparison is a bit unfair - Bergen was maybe the worst hitter in MLB history, tallying a .170 batting average (and .194 OBP!!!) over nine seasons. Bard definitely isn't that bad. Then again, he has advantages Bergen never had. Imagine what Bergen could do if he worked with Rob Deer, Roving Hitting Instructor.

Asdrubal Cabrera

Relevant Stats: .179 BA, 1 HR

Reminds you of: Mario Mendoza

Lots of similarities here. Both are slick-fielding middle infielders - Cabrera recently turned the 14th unassisted triple play in MLB history, Mendoza's nickname was Manos de Seda (Silk Hands, aka the second-greatest nickname ever) - who at times seem literally incapable of hitting a baseball.

Throwing Gas

Roy Halladay

Relevant Stats: 5 complete games, on pace for 257 IP

Reminds you of: Roy Halladay

Halladay threw nine complete games and 266 innings in 2003, and earned the Cy Young Award for his troubles. He's easily the most old-school pitcher going today, right? You get the feeling he'd fit right in with players in the late 1800s who threw 500 innings during a season and then worked a coal mine in the winter.

Daisuke Matsuzaka

Relevant Stats: 8-0, 38 walks; on pace for 25 wins, 120 walks

Reminds you of: Carlos Zambrano

Zama-lama-dingdong went 16-7 in 2006, while walking 115. Not exactly a precise comparison to Dice-K's performance in 2008. That's because few pitchers in recent times come close to matching Dice-K's projected win and base on balls totals. For instance, Brandon Webb walked 119 batters in 2004 - and went 7-16.

Francisco Rodriguez

Relevant Stats: 21 saves, 2.45 ERA

Reminds you of: Mariano Rivera (2001 edition)

Mo notched 50 saves while posting an un-Mo-like 2.36 ERA in 2001. Rivera threw 80.2 innings that season, but K-Rod has only thrown 22 innings so far, meaning that his ERA might actually be artificially inflated. Scary to think he might get better as the season goes on.

Passing Gas

Fausto Carmona

Relevant Stats: 4-2, 38 walks; currently on disabled list

Reminds you of: Hi, I'm Rob Deer. I think I parked my car around here last night. Maybe you saw it? It's a bluish-gray Saturn Ion...

Whoops, looks like Rob Deer just roved into this post. Get out of here, Rob Deer! Go teach the Padres how to hit!

Hideki Okajima

Relevant Stats: 4 blown saves

Reminds you of: Shawn Chacon

Two charter members of the "We're Not Closers, But We Still Blow Saves" club. (Chacon blew seven saves in 2007.) It's a dubious distinction, like being being a member of the "I Hooked Up With Courtney Love - In 2008" club. Not that I would know.

I would.

What? I thought I told you to leave.

No, I'm not going.

Come on, man. Beat it.

Roy Oswalt

Relevant Stats: 85 hits allowed, 5.61 ERA

Reminds you of: Carlos Silva

No comparison to Carlos Silva is a good comparison. The Silva Fox gave up 246 hits in 2006 en route to a 5.94 ERA. Oswalt is on pace to give up 264 hits. Yeesh.

OK, that's it for this week's Hot or Not. Check back next week when -

Can I just say something? Kids, listen up. I'm Rob Deer, former big league slugger and current Roving Hitting Instructor. I'd like to talk to you about the choices we make. Early on, I chose to make baseball my life. And the game's been good to me, I'm very blessed. I got to travel and play the game I love. Along the way I made some money and lost some money. Were there women? One for every star in the sky. Why, there was a lady in Cincinnati who did things to me that will never be legal - not even in the distant future.

Of course I have stories like that. I'm Rob Deer.

The life of a Roving Hitting Instructor is simple, yet rewarding. I live on the road, I work where I'm needed. People don't always want me in town. They see a middle-aged man with a mustache, by himself, carrying a baseball bat, walking towards a Little League field and they think, "Uh oh." People are narrow-minded. I was too once. Dead red fastball hitter. Loved the longball, never wanted to nickel and dime with singles or bunts. Only the hard stuff. Sure, I made a living and got myself a career - but at what cost? I could've played another five or six seasons if I'd just been a little smarter.

But what's the use in regret? Without the choices I made, I wouldn't be where I am today - on the road, preaching the virtues of patience in the batters box and in life. This leads me to my next point - can I borrow $30?

See you next week...

Hot or Not: Opposites...

The universe is filled with equal and opposing forces. Good and Evil. Yin and Yang. Hot and Not. Which side are your fantasy players on?

Returning to Form Hot

You knew they'd come around. And now you're being rewarded for your patience.

Ryan J. Braun

Stats over the last seven days: 6 HRs, 10 RBIs, .349 BA

This guy needs more friends

I like the trend of young guys signing long-term contracts with their clubs. I also like the trend of these guys having MySpace pages. How else would we know Braun's interests include, "Playing left field, hitting home runs and winning"? But only 290 friends, RJB? Even Yovani Gallardo has more friends.

Adam T. Dunn

Stats over the last seven days: 4 HRs, 9 RBIs, .263 BA

Nothing if not consistent

Check out Dunn's splits for the season. The guy hits for roughly the same (terrible) average in every situation. And somehow he'll still end up with 40 homers and 100 RBIs. It's safe to say there's nobody else like him playing today.

Alfonso G. Soriano

Stats over the last seven days: 7 HRs, 14 RBIs, .516 BA

The "G" stand for...

Guilleard. Now you know.

Returning to Form Cold

It seemed too good to be true. And you know what? It was.

Paul Bako

Stats over the last seven days: 0 HRs, 0 RBIs, .133 BA

When you hit like Paul Bako...

This is one of my favorite baseball articles ever. Jim Baker from espn.com was forced to watch the 2006 Royals - a legendarily bad offensive team that prominently featured Paul Bako - every day for a week. It wasn't pretty.

Jason Isringhausen

Stats over the last seven days: 0-1, 3 ER, 1 karate-chopped television

No Paul Bako, but...

In Isringhausen's case, the "too good to be true" refers to him being healthy, not effective. This isn't even his first punching-related injury - as a young Metropolitan, Isringhausen smashed a trash can in the dugout, breaking his wrist. He's also been sidelined with tuberculosis, which has an incidence rate of just 41 per 100,000 in the Americas.

Sidney Ponson

Stats over the last seven days: 0-0, 10.1 INN, 9 ER

The wisdom of crowds is BS

Tell me if this sounds good on paper - an overweight 32 year-old with a history of alcohol problems and high ERAs, throwing in a hitter-friendly park where pitchers routinely burn out during the scorching summers. It doesn't? Really? And yet, he was owned in 17% of Sportsline leagues just two weeks ago.

Special K (Good)

If strikeouts were vegetables, these guys would have exceeded their daily recommended allowance.

AJ Burnett

Stats over the last seven days: 1-1, 15 INN, 15 K

Getting better

Burnett's ERA has dropped more than two and a half points over the last month (7.27 to 4.71).

Ryan Dempster

Stats over the last seven days: 1-0, 14.1 INN, 17 K

Did you Know...

About the Tip O'Neill award? It's given out by the Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame (did you know about that, too???) to the best Canadian ballplayer each year. Dempster won it in 2000. Larry Walker won the award nine times.

Rich Harden

Stats over the last seven days: 1-0, 10.2 INN, 13 K

Potential Tip O'Neill Award-winner?

The British Columbia native has looked strong since coming off the DL. And he's already on pace to shatter his average for innings pitched (36.2) over the past two seasons.

Special K (Bad)

Currently making Adam Dunn look like a contact hitter...

Wladimir Balentien

Stats over the last seven days: .182 BA, 11 K

Better as a Scrabble word?

Spelling "Wladimir" on a Scrabble board would earn you at least 14 points.

Evan Longoria

Stats over the last seven days: .296 BA, 11 K

He had them at "Hello."

Remember what I said about liking the trend of signing young players to long-term deals? Well, let's add a corollary to that: wait until they've had more than a hundred big league at-bats. Nevertheless, I'm sure the pride of Rio Hondo CC will turn it around soon enough.

Hanley Ramirez

Stats over the last seven days: .200 BA, 8 K

$70 million won't get you any closer to Hector El Father

Han-Ram may have the cash, but he's not in Hector El Father's video for Pa La Tumba, which features Jose Reyes, Robinson Cano and Melky Cabrera.

The placebo effect strikes again

You may have already read this disturbing story about Jason Giambi and his most intimate performance-enhancer - a bright gold thong that he wears to break out of slumps. What's even worse is that other Yankees, including The Captain and Johnny Damon, have donned the thong when they themselves were slumping. My question is this: what about Giambi's performance over the past few seasons would suggest that these underwear have any positive impact?

Ok, that's it for this week's installment. Wishing you Hotness instead of Notness for the upcoming week. Later.

Hot or Not: The Season So Far...

Hey, I'm the new guy here at FSE. I'll be carrying the equipment bags onto the FSE team bus and writing the Hot or Not column once a week.

We haven't had a Hot or Not since Spring Training, so there's a lot to catch up on. Let's get to it...

Season-Long Hotness

The Sophia Lorens of Fantasy Baseball. They've started hot, and they'll most likely stay hot, even when they're old and making movies with Walter Matthau. (It's never too late to make Grumpier Old Men references, right?)

Chase Utley

What's not to like? He's on pace to break the record for home runs by a second baseman in a season (Davey Johnson and Rogers Hornsby both cranked 42; Utley's on pace for 56), has a .417 OBP and, according to his website, is a proud environmentalist and an avid supporter of the Pennsylvania chapter of the ASPCA.

Semi-Related Trivia

Who holds the NL record for most homers by a designated hitter? None other than Mr. Rocky Balboa Jim Thome, who put four balls in the seats for the Phils during interleague play in 2004.

Lance Berkman

For years, Lance Berkman has been the best hitter in baseball with a double chin - a proud title passed down from greats like Cecil Fielder and Rosie O'Donnell in A League of their Own. This season, though, Berkman has arguably been the best hitter, period.

Fun Fact

My brother Matt insists on calling Lance Berkman "The Flying White Dutchman." The nickname, of course, makes zero sense, but still...there's something catchy about it.

Brandon Webb

Brandon Webb eats innings for breakfast and induces ground ball outs for lunch. I'm not sure what he has for dinner, but I'll bet it's pitching-related and very good.

A Message for Hank Steinbrenner

Brandon Webb, currently the best pitcher in baseball, was 7-16 in his second full season. Young pitchers need time to develop. They are not thoroughbred horses. They will not automatically reach their full potential in two years. And you cannot euthanize them if they underperform.


Shoot me in the face hot

A special section dedicated to the high-performing players you could have had if you weren't too busy drafting vegan first basemen (more on him later).

Cliff Lee

Hi, I'm Cliff Lee. I was owned in just 21% of Sportsline Roto leagues during the first two weeks of this season. Now I'm the new Orel Hersheiser. That is all.

Born to be a ballplayer or a Civil War General

Cliff Lee's full name is Clifton Phifer Lee.

Ervin Santana

A bitter selection for anyone who counted on Santana last season, when he was 7-14 with an ERA of almost 6.

Depressing Fact

I had Ervin Santana last season.

Josh Hamilton

Was only a semi-sleeper at the beginning of the season, but few people could have expected him to lead the Majors in RBIs.

Obligatory "Josh Hamilton is a recovering substance abuser" reference

Can never decide whether I like or dislike Jeff Pearlman as a writer. Is he a legitimate Good Guy, or a self-important crybaby? This article about Hamilton furthers my ambivalence.


Captain of the cheerleading team hot

Sure, these players look great now, but there's no telling what'll happen over time. Maybe they stay hot, maybe they show up at the ten-year reunion with stretch marks and a tooth missing. Either way, you're intrigued.

Nate McLouth

Seems like the Pirates should have more players named Nate, doesn't it? Anyway, Nate's hitting 100 points better in the daytime than he is the nightime. Let's see how he does once pitchers get another look at him.

Nate News

Nate McLouth is the third most popular "Nate" on Google, behind only Nate Robinson and Nate Diaz, the MMA fighter.

Joe Saunders

Saunders, who's been pretty lucky all season, finally lost on Saturday night. I feel a 12-10, 4.50 ERA kind of season coming on.

Did You Know (with special guest writer Chris Berman)

Saunders' career record is 21-9. Only John "Planes, Trains & Automobiles" Candelaria had a better winning percentage after his first 40 starts with the Angels.

Edinson Volquez

Forget that Volquez has frontline starter kind of stuff. His nickname is "Voltron." His future is in film, specifically buddy movies with Shia Labeouf.

Where are they now?

Volquez, along with John Danks and Thomas Diamond, was one third of Texas' highly-touted "DVD" trio of pitching prospects. Danks and Volquez are both productive big-leaguers today. But only Thomas Diamond has a website.


A few things that would make the 2008 MLB season Hotter:

Bobby Cox managing games in a bathrobe. No good reason why.

More players blogging. (Check out the guest post from Morgan Ensberg. It's great that he loves reading "non-fiction." Just wish he was as big a fan of "getting hits.")

A late-night talk show hosted by John Kruk.


And now, on to the Not-so-Hots...

Temporarily chilly

Like a timid lover, these slow starters just need a little time and attention before they reveal their secret gardens of potential.

Aaron Harang

The big man has had no luck so far, going 1-5 with a 3.09 ERA. The strikeouts are still there, as is the awkward facial hair. He'll turn it around.

No Mets were harmed in this trade

As a minor leaguer, Harang was traded from the Rangers to the A's for Randy Velarde. Strange to think such a lopsided trade happened without Steve Philips being involved.

Alex Rodriguez

He'll be back to his old tricks soon - hitting moonshots when the Yanks are up 7-2, sunbathing on large rocks like a lizard - and it'll be like he was never gone at all.

Reason #1,354 it's getting harder to be a Yankee fan

In a recent interview, A-Rod's wife said that A-Rod passed out during the birth of their first child. The guy's like the anti-Jack Bauer.

Ryan Howard

He might strike out 300 times this season, he might hit 60 homers. My guess is he does both.

Weird

The character Ryan Howard from The Office has a longer Wikipedia entry than Ryan Howard the ballplayer.


Nearing hypothermia

They're not dead yet, but they're not looking so great either.

Prince Fielder

Prince Fielder is an interesting experiment. If he's able to turn it around, scouts will be prowling the streets of Williamsburg and Greenpoint looking for gaunt, smelly vegan power hitters.

Public Service Announcement

Just in case Prince has any more big lifestyle changes up his sleeve - vegan moms' breast milk may lack the vitamins and nutrients developing babies need.

The Colorado Rockies of Denver

I went to Denver back in November, just after the Rockies lost the World Series. There were signs all over town that said things like, "Thanks for a Great Season, Rockies!" and "It was a Great Run!". At the time I wondered if all that relentless positivity would help or hurt a developing team. I'm still wondering.

Things to do in Denver

Check out the Buckhorn Exchange, a crazy steak house on the outskirts of town that serves rattlesnake and yak and has a dining room that looks like the physical manifestation of Teddy Roosevelt's dreams.

Closing Pitchers

It's not your fault you drafted Jason Isringhausen. Really, it's not. A lot of guys drafted him. He'll be better, just stop focusing on it.

Nature of the beast

In case you didn't know, closers have little job security. Only eight pitchers have been their team's closer since 2005 or earlier - Mariano Rivera, Bobby Jenks, Joe Nathan, K-Rod, Huston Street, Chad Cordero, Isringhausen and Trevor Hoffman.


Barry Zito-esque

The worst of the worst.

And let's face it, there's only one player who could deserve such an insult...

Barry Zito

It's easy to be angry at Barry Zito. He earns $13 million a year and is an utter failure at his job. But before you jump to anger, consider this: there are other professionals who commit far more egregious sins every day. CEOs run companies into the ground and get huge buyout packages. Politicians break the very laws they put into effect. Doctors and lawyers show up to work drunk or high, and cause real, irreparable damage to people who trusted them.

The point is: who would you rather have on your fantasy baseball team? Barry Zito or Eliot Spitzer? I rest my case.

Something by somebody who's actually good at his job

Here's a very funny essay by Jack Handey (of Saturday Night Live fame). Also check out Handey's hilarious new book, What I'd Say to the Martians: And Other Veiled Threats.


Ok, that's it for this week's installment. Check back next week for more analysis and fewer words. Later.